Feeling quite empty today, so typed this incoherent stuff just to fill my mind with something.
This year started off rather well, though feelings were in turmoil for much of it. First with the orientation, then with the class… and finally the class again. Let’s begin with orientation, I, not alone, felt reluctance at first to participate enthusiastically at the activities. After day 3, however, I began to feel the regret, the irrefragability of what I have done. I missed the chance to get to know the OG mates better, the chance to interact with them with all the fun activities planned out.
Then again, after being sorted in to classes, I failed to take up any enthusiasm at all. One look at my class, 5 girls… all of the guys being from Chinese high, I was a little disappointed. However, to cloud all the disappointment, were my best friends since sec 1, the 2J people with a few additions. It was fun… for awhile. We had STJ, JTS blabla, enjoyed lessons, escaping from school, lunch, everything together. We were beginning to gel as a class, the few major cliques coming together. Then came a dead weight that set me back to what I felt during orientation. We were about to be split up after the 2nd intake. All the stupidity of the things we have or have not done comes crashing into our minds like a bullet train. Next thing we know, every single staff below the principal knows about our misdemeanors.
Change may not always be bad, as the saying goes. Definitely not this case, at least not for me. I had the mental preparation to belong to this class, the 25 or 24 <.< of us as one class, playing together, mugging together and the like. But, no. Our silly little errors, sitting down during the fire drill, sleeping in lectures, and blatant spraying of the wash bottle seems to qualify for this tremendous punishment. The shredding of our bonds with seniors, grand seniors, peers and whatever seems too heavy for me to handle.
I am at a lost now; I am numb, dreading the next day and what it might bring about. Together? Or not? All that I am trying to put into my head now is “Faithless is he who says farewell when the road darkens”. Keep faith, I say, and let light shine upon the next day.
posted by `-ryoken # 12:23 AM
